He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
