So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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