Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
soo... how was my night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
