dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
