New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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