I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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