did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
