I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
