sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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