Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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