mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
