If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize