i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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