my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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