Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
