Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
