omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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