I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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