I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
