i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
