I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
