Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
