Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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