Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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