apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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