he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
