Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
