M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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