Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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