So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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