laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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