i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
