either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
