I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
