You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
