C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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