there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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