Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
