Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
