Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
