I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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