He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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