Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
