if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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