He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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