yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just forgot I was standing up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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