Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
