I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
