He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
