she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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