I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
