I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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