we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
