how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
