I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
