can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
