dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
