i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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