A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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