those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
