Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
