worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
