This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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