theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
