if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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