never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
