Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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