I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
