I cockslap morals
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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