Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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