Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I smell stomach acid.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
