I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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