I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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