My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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