I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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