I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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