I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's like iHOP with fire
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
