It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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