What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
