Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
