So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
